… because I might change my mind.

NaBloPoMo 2010 Day 7 — Uncertainty

Life is funny. The longer I live, the more I believe that the only thing about life that is certain is the uncertainty of life. We plan for things, and they don’t work out as planned. Some of us pray for certain results or opportunities or outcomes, and it doesn’t end up as we envisioned. Sometimes, we’re minding our own business and something falls into our lap.

I can look back on various times in my life before I was married and since. Before we had Keegan and since. I wanted things to turn out; I tried to set things up to work out as I wanted. And it didn’t come to fruition as I wanted or how I thought it would. I take solace in knowing that even when things didn’t work out as I might’ve hoped, I didn’t “miss out.” I enjoyed the times I had where I was and being used in the ways that I was used.
All of that sounds sort of vague. Maybe it is. The details aren’t really the important part.
Don’t get me wrong, I get disappointed when things don’t work out the way I hoped. It’s not like I’m sitting around hoping to win the lottery or some other outlandish possibility. We’re talking about job opportunities or relationships or financial situations. I tend to withhold my enthusiasm about things that I hope for. It’s nothing more than a defense mechanism to limit the pain of disappointment. But that’s a lie. You can’t limit your disappointment. You may limit the number of people who know about your disappointment, but you don’t limit your disappointment. Even when I don’t tell someone about my hopes or dreams or expectations, I still know what they are. I know what I hope for.
This isn’t the forum to share all of my hopes and dreams, but I can tell you that there are people who know what those things are. I will continue to share them with those people. I would encourage any of you to do the same. You’re going to dream and hope. I think part of being human is to dream for something different, better, grander, etc. Share those things with people who will breathe life into your hopes and dreams and who will walk along side you if certain things don’t come to be as you wanted.

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